Old Memories

There was a popular rich girl at my elementary school. The kind of popular you couldn't even reproach because lesser popular kids, yet still much superior to you, would ruin your life. To say I was unpopular would be like saying Charlie Sheen has enjoyed alcoholic beverages on occasion. Anyway she was also ridiculously beautiful. All the girls were beautiful at my elementary. I just thought all people except me were beautiful until I got to high school, and everywhere else on earth. In fact, I'll point this out now, this girl I'm talking about today is absofuckinglutely hot as fuck. They all still are, at least the ones I could internet spy track down, cause you know, no human would ever keep contact with me by choice.

Anyway, she would always run for student body president, and she would always win. I remember being annoyed at how stupid her campaign speeches would be, it had literally nothing to do with whatever the hell it is school presidents do (which I eventually realized was nothing, nothing at all, not even college student governments do anything). I remember one time she actually brought in novelty props like a giant pencil like she was doing a fucking Carrot Top routine. She'd also always have some glittery poster that two of her friends would hold up, and it always made me think two things, 1. Damn she has good penmanship, and 2. I don't have 2 friends, let alone 2 people that would ever be in the same room and willing to hold a poster for me. This is how pathetic I am, I had a crush on her for years. When she gave me her yearbook to sign in 8th grade I wrote "I don't know you, do I?" Which was true, but even at the time I thought it seemed a little more harsh than necessary, but I was a depressed continuously suicidal entirely lonely kid in a broken home with no parents and an alcoholic depressed abusive grandfather overseeing my waste of life.

In spite of all that, I actually planned to run for student body president in 8th grade, simply because I was tired of that bitch running unopposed, I knew I wouldn't get the 8th grade vote, because they all detested me, but I had a brother and sister in other grades and I really could have worked the younger crowds. As it happened, my brother, sister, and I flew to Colorado to visit my dad for a week. I found out when I came back that the entire electoral process had occurred during that week, and the girl who ran unopposed was president once again.

Her boyfriend ended up being one of my only friends in my Sophomore year, he was in Spanish class with me, and incidentally he'd tell me about all the sexual interactions he'd have with her. I say "interactions" because he was always complaining that she wouldn't outright fuck him. But he'd go to all these parties and get drunk and he was just the happiest asshole on that fucking campus. I knew him 1 year and I wrote an entire short story about Vikings and Viagra in his yearbook (I was actually pretty hip writing about Viagra in May '98, when it had just been approved by the FDA in March '98). I never had yearbooks. I was too fucking poor.

So in our Sophomore year of High School, now believing she was entitled to the popularity, this girl ran for student body president. I assumed she allowed Freshman year to give her credibility before she completely took over high school, not that she was ever "the most popular" but she was always "one of".

Meanwhile I played Water Polo in high school. I didn't even know what the hell the sport was before I joined, but back in 8th grade Mr. McGregor who used to be a teacher at TCK came back to give scoliosis tests, he had seen me on the Belmont Bullets Swim Team in the summer when we played against the team he coached, the Brookside Mallards. He said, (why the fuck am I remembering all this?) in his scratchy voice "If you like swimming, you might like to try out for Water Polo when you get to high school." I replied "ok", which I was wont to do at any statement back then, and he said "Well, you don't have to just because I suggested it." I showed up for the first practice, liked it, skipped on football, I had found my sport.

I loved the sport, and our team was great, but we didn't have many people, or any recognition, or any money, so we set about changing that. We raised a shitload of money, and won a shitload of games, we went recruiting (going back to our local pools during the summer and picking up Freshman) and by my Sophomore year our team had like 22 people on it. Now only 6 and a goalie can play at a time, and I was the goalie, so that was 6 positions for 21 people to fight for, our team was great, didn't get tired at least, though we were rookies and didn't know much. There was one guy on the team who was flagrantly gay, I only note this for its "underdog appeal" I'm leading up to. He was overweight, wasn't a great player, 2 out of 3 like me, and a scheduling issue with him being in some band or club or something led him to practice with the girl's team. Yep, we had a girls Water Polo team, JV and Varsity, This was Lincoln High School, do the research, Lincoln's original Water Polo coach was our coach's coach, he was basically the godfather of California Water Polo, he helped establish the sport in the state, of course building up to 2008 when America's Water Polo team had all but 1 guy from California and took on Hungary as the best winning Olympic Water Polo team in US history. Anyway, so this guy was like me, a freak. Though he wasn't quite as hated or detested, and he seemed much happier.

So I'm gathered in the high school's loving cradle for football, with the rest of the school to see Allison, this girl I've lusted for and never talked to, though quite positive she disdained and/or pitied my existence, as any reasonable person should have back then. She gave the same kind of bullshit speech she's been giving for 10 years. And we're not old people in this story, that's a long time to make bullshit speeches. She even had a glittery poster with her.

Now I am not a cynical person (pause for laughter),(trollish ;) smirk) but there was no way in hell I was voting for her. It wasn't personal, to be sure, on a personal level I would have done anything for her I suppose. But she was so comically fake when I think of high school movies, I only think of her and her kind. Then, out of the fucking blue, with no campaigning, no stupid clothing or glittery signs, just regular ass clothes, this overweight flaming homosexual walks across the field, gets up on the stage, and said, "I don't have a nice speech, or fancy accessories, I don't have any signs or crazy promises. I'm just a regular guy, and if you vote for me, I'll do my best." Thunderous applause. The people fucking loved it. And he won. But I moved to San Francisco before he assumed his throne and I never saw any of those people again in person so fuck all what happened next.