Pineapple on Pizza

So I'm trying out new Podcasts, and I decide to listen to an episode of "Fresh Air" an NPR show hosted by Terry Gross. The guest is an American author named John Marianai, plugging his newest book How Italian Food Conquered the World . Immediately I'm annoyed by this asshole. He has this Peggy Hill way of over exerting himself pronouncing Italian words. In general trying to pronounce words correctly doesn't annoy me, what was annoying is that he'd stress the hell out the words, like each "parmigiano" was like climbing a mountain. To make it worse he kept saying Naples. Naples. Naples. THE CITY IS CALLED NAPOLI. If you want to insist on calling it "par-May-giiiiiiii-Aaaaa-nooooo" like you were just dragged out of a fucking vineyard in Sicily, you might want to call the Italian cities by their god damn actual Italian names. What made things even stranger, to the point I knew I had to tell someone, was that every so often during the interview he would break into Italian accent on completely English words. Now this guy is not Italian, his parents are not Italian, he's clearly not fluent, why the hell is he breaking into an accent he doesn't have?

What's got me in a huff is what this interview culminated into. Marianai admitted that Italian food proper didn't conquer the world, real Italian food hasn't even conquered Italy, each region has its own dishes. It was Italian-American food that has spread globally. The very nature of Italian-American food is a modification on the original. Particularly bigger portions, with more and new ingredients. Not one damn item called "Italian" in America is pure to its Italian origins. And let's not begin to get into how tomatoes, an Italian staple, are originally from the Americas. So this guy has acknowledged that the food has evolved, and has continued to evolve. He specifically praises Wolfgang Puck for his innovative pizzas, like a "Jewish style" with caviar, salmon, and sour cream. Then this New York liberal host Terry Gross asks him "like I don't understand pineapple on pizza and things like that, um could you explain that?" (really, you don't "like um" understand pineapples? are you living in a fucking pineapple? it tastes good that's the long and short of most food, and when it doesn't taste good there's 2 other options 1. only choice, 2. Need the vitamins, I've solved all your inane food questions till kingdom come).

This fauxtalian dipshit's response is incredibly more snooty than the bitch's question "Well that is very typically American...corporate" and proceeds to rip into California Pizza Kitchen. Again, fucking tomatoes are American, you're cool with that. Puck puts fish eggs on a pizza, that's art. But pineapple goes too far!!!! In fact pineapple can't simply be an odd divergence, no it's a corporate America concoction. And we all know from being Americans that there's nothing more evil, disingenuous, and deplorable as that which is developed by American corporations. I would contend that even if he were right, what difference does it make who married pineapples with pizza? But there's a problem, he's dead fucking wrong, not only were Hawaiian pizzas not invented in America, they're NOT FUCKING CORPORATE you socialist self hating American wannabe Italian moron!

Hawaiian pizza was created in 1962 in Ontario Canada by a regular restaurant owner loooong before your precious Puck came along and started really making shit up.

He continues "let's as you say call it a Hawaiian pizza and put on pineapple, and I think at a certain point a pizza stops being a pizza, or at least stops being a good pizza, or anything like a good pizza." (emphasis mine)

Wow. 30 seconds later this "purist" says to use canned tomatoes to make marinara.


So altogether I don't think this would have set me off except it's at least the third time in the last couple weeks where I've heard somone say Hawaiian pizza isn't real pizza. I heard Adam Carolla going off about it too. Pizza, in America is a dough base, usually roundish, usually a tomato based sauce on it, often pesto or a cheese mix, cheese is usually a main ingredient, then you put on top WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT. Certainly if you broach a new level like putting entire sandwiches or lasagna on top it might gain a "hybrid" status based on bulk weight, but otherwise it's all fucking pizza. You want "pure"? It doesn't fucking exist! At this point people usually chime in with the Margherita style pizza, it's often called a "classic" "true" Italian pizza. While yes it was created in Italy, it was created as a GIMMICK!! A publicity stunt! Pizzas were already well established, the margherita was made just as a gift to the Queen of Italy, intentionally only using 3 toppings that matched the colors of the new flag of Italy. That's about as fake an origin as one can get! The Hawaiian has a more natural and honest origin than the hailed Margherita.