How I feel

Sliding on my ass at the bottom of a snowy hill, the fun is over, but the ride hasn't stopped. Waking up after 2 hours of sleep, and spending an entire day sitting around. Wasting an entire day playing video games that I've already beaten. Standing watch. Red streaks of silk flash by and a sword enters my stomach, but it is just a dream and I move on and never remember it. I was 4 years old and he hit me in the head with a pipe. I was 12 and I stood in a field, a boy told me she had a crush on me. I have stood on a cliff facing the wrong direction. Sunday morning. Every day of December. After 4 ejaculations, and 5 hours of sexual activity, all the while thinking. Watching a opossum die on the side of a road, only 5 minutes into a two hour bike ride. The rear bumper of my Grandmother's Ford. Greyhound station at anytime of the day except 9:45 pm. Stale Dorritos out of a freshly opened bag. The same t-shirt, 4 days in a row. Never at the beach. Never in the forest. Never on a mountain. Never by a river. Swenson Park, on a weekday. My Mesquite tree. Recess after 5th grade.



I want to apologize to someone I shouldn't forgive. I want to leave someone I should kiss. I sit on a pedastal I made them build, if I stand, I will be higher than them, but I am content. I am so out of sorts, this is truly the closest I can come to speaking about how I feel.