よりよい

I can see why Ayn idolized inventors/producers. I'd like to think when I came to comprehension of the systems in place, that I would understand why they are the way they are, and why that way is so effective. But look at the people scramble for answers to obvious issues. Look at the American Government/Media/populace shitting themselves over minor economic problems. It makes America look sad and pathetic. What do we have then? Well we have industry. And no one can fake that. We make good computers and there's no denying that, so I can see why industrialists can seem to be the saviors. Very literally it is industry and people's willingness to stick to their jobs that keeps America running, and winning. Our government sucks. Our media is run by idiots, this means our information is bad, and our leaders couldn't make the right decisions even if they had good info. But you have the companies building them bombs and airplanes, and you have people willing to fly the planes, and refuel the planes, and you have hard working tax-payers willing to foot the bill. So really the only weak link is the government.

You'd think by now that they'd be better. I'm now almost resolute in considering two paths from here. Either I continue through college, and try to get myself in a position where I can try to change America, or when I finish college, I'm leaving America for good. Seeing the American government so bad, and so hurtful and so dumb is like continuing to be around someone that hurts you all the time and takes advantage of you, but you pity them.

Obama and Biden want to tax the shit out of the wealthy. But have they mentioned not SPENDING THE SHIT OUT OF OUR MONEY? No. They will spend. McCain talks about lowering taxes, but has he mentioned not spending the shit out of our money like Bush has done?

You bail out a company, then the taxpayer is essentially paying for a product that they did not want, and will not receive. It would be as if I started a billion dollar company and hired thousands and sold 'punches in the face'. Nobody wanted any, so I went bankrupt, but the government bails me out and I continue to not provide punches and I'm being paid by everyone. That makes sense.

You know what shouldn't make sense? A childhood fantasy of having my own country, but as I get older, it only makes more sense. Only two things make sense, either change the system, or stop caring. I know if I leave America, I will stop caring. I also found that while in love, I was incapable of caring about politics, so not to infer on others, but I can say the more I care about politics, the less happy I am.

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So I showed up to one meeting of the Veteran Student Alliance at Delta. I didn't say anything, I didn't promise anything. The meeting was 3 hours after my last class and I was tired and bored by the time it started, the one hour meeting went on to two hours and almost nothing got done. The only plans for the future they had were to do more nothing, or to do a lot of work, to make money, to do more nothing. I honestly don't have a fucking clue how that's supposed to help me. I guess clubs and alliances don't think like that. So someone leaves an answering machine message telling me I need to pick up a shirt today or tomorrow so I will have it ready for a wine tasting event I never agreed to attend. Now, this wine tasting event isn't even for veterans, or even for students. I don't know who the hell it is for, but I do know that the only thing I would be doing is catering. Fuck you. I am not going to cater without reason or pay. Now I had planned on showing up for tomorrow's meeting, but that message tears it. Sign me up for bullshit without my consent? This is absurd.

And I grow further away from people. I signed up for a writing club too. But the whole issue of fundraising again detered me, as well as that whole wait after school 3 hours thing. Maybe I should change my schedule next semester. Have all my classes start after 10:00 am and finish around 2pm.

WHY CAN'T YOU HAVE A CLUB WHERE YOU SHOW UP AND DO FUN THINGS? WHY IS IT ALL ABOUT FUNDRAISING? WHY CAN'T WE JUST AGREE TO NOT CHARGE EACH OTHER FOR OUR TIME, AND WE CAN CONTINUE TO MEET INDEFINITELY? A club should be a formation of people meeting for the discussion or participation in a common interest. A writing club should meet and talk about writing and read each other's work, NOT FUNDRAISE. And a union should be for the benefit of the the members for a specific goal. For example a veteran student union should exist to help veteran students complete schooling in various ways using any available resources. Instead I show up and it seems the only goals are to A. "Make ourselves known" WTF? and B. Make more money to help further objective A.

I don't give a fuck who knows me. I don't care if nobody in the god damn universe gives a fuck who I am or what I've ever done, leastways that I'm a "veteran student" in a union. But if I show up to a Veteran Student Association meeting I expect to participate by helping other veterans, maybe tell stories, maybe help with homework, maybe discuss culture, maybe learn about how I can best ultilize available benefits and network, and other's can do the same. Considering Delta is a 2 year school there should be a 50% turnover rate, so people would have to step up each year and keep the momentum, and maybe someone would be inclined to get a little political in keeping that going, but to do catering for wine testing? What the shit does that fuck have to do with my math test? What does it have to do with my essay in Econ? How does that get me money for rent while I'm a student? It doesn't have any relevance, and it never will. It's like busy work. A self perpetuating system that's only function is to perpetuate itself, my worst enemy. I swear to god if I had a white whale, it would be systems that only serve to continue and have no ultimate goals. I hate them violently whenever I discover them, whether they be religions that raise up people who die who raise up people who die, or Eminem who only raps about rapping, or governments that would do anything to anyone to continue their existence. If it serves no purpose, it is my worst nightmare. Ultimately I accept that humanity is the salvation of the cycles, for we can define our own purposes, and if nothing else, we can accept that our happiness, is a universal peculiarity, and that if we pursue our happiness, the universe is pursuing our happiness, and if it can spread, more can be known, and more awareness can be manifested. Consciousness can grow. To know enough that we don't know much is enough to know that we need to continue to learn. And that isn't self perpetuating without reason, knowledge is the product, and it is constantly springing up.

I understand that everything that came before us, served to put us into existence. That a cyclical planet with spiraling life development was working towards the inevitable domination by life that can control the outcome. It is an insult to our existence to try to recreate the old way. To try to recreate the cycles and laws that worked so long to create us, the destroyers of chaos, the bringers of order is to make meaningless the efforts of the universe, to make meaningless the capabilities you posess in yourself. You can instead constantly improve yourself, and that can not be achieved by only serving to continue what only serves to continue.



Make things better. You should know how. If you don't, you can find out. Don't just accept status quo and try to force it to stay in motion with a spin.