Songs that tell you to do stupid shit

I figure it's the epitome of collectivism, this ideal of producing a song, that is intended to not be enjoyed, but to get a bunch of people to make idiotic motions together.

A lot of them simply start with "Do the" followed by the dumbshit name they gave their dumb shit commands.

Here are some great examples, old and new.


The Hustle by Van McCoy



This one is simply called "The hustle" but makes sure to say absolutely nothing but "Do it" and "Do the hustle" for 4 godforsaken minutes. At least I assume the lyrics never change, as I am physically unable to listen past 2 minutes. And the idea of looking up the lyrics seems downright insane. You know what, fuck it, here's the lyrics to "The Hustle"


Do It

Do It

Do The Hustle

DO THE HUSTLE

Do The Hustle

Do The Hustle
Do The Hustle

Do The Hustle

Do It

Do It

DO THE HUSTLE

Do The Hustle

DO THE HUSTLE

Do The Hustle



Do the Ricky Bobby by B-Hamp




This song seems to be a 4 minutes of samples. But the songs it is sampling, were samples of covers, so most of the music just sounds like electronic failure.

Interestingly, from what I gather, the "Ricky Bobby" seems to be just making a pose, as opposed to doing any dance, so this is probably the least demanding of the social command songs.

Do Da Stanky Legg by G-Spot



ROFL


Humpty Dance by Digital Underground



I listened to a lot of hip hop in the late 80s early 90s, but it was mostly stuff like Run DMC, Beastie Boys, followed by Coolio and Snoop Doggy Dog, then eventually down the terrible path of gangsta rap towards Biggie, Tupac, Warren G, Nate Dogg. Shit I remember memorizing songs like "Regulate" "Keep their heads ringing" "Murder was the case" as a young tween. This particular artist eluded until the 21st century, although I do remember the line "The humpty dance is your chance to do the hump" from Weird Al's "Off the Deep End" album. Weird Al really introduced me to a lot of different music. I completely missed the "grunge" era until about '94 when I started actually realizing other people liked music too, and I got a flood of Nirvana, Aerosmith, B-52s, Cranberries, REM, from people like my mom, dad, and friends.

Anyway. Nostalgiagasm over.



Do the Bartman by Michael Jackson




Never heard of this song until 5 minutes ago. And I've always loved the Simpsons. Apparently this song was ridiculously popular when it came out. It was mostly written and produced by Michael Jackson, who was a huge fan of the show, but he couldn't take any credit because the song went on a different label.





Walk it out by Unk



Ladies and Gentlemen, this is shitty command music at its most shitty and commanding.


Lean like a Cholo by Kilo



This homemade video has 800,000 views. Jesus Christ. This song came out when I lived in San Diego, it has a special place in my heart, mostly because I've always liked calling people "Homes" "cholo" and "vato".


The Twist by Chubby Checker





It really took radio and records to change the music world, to make the music "industry". Certainly there were folk songs, world famous musicians, and composers, but it wasn't until you could print music and play it in perpetuity, that shitty pop music really took hold of this planet. It wasted no time, and amazingly even with so much modern technology, much of it still boils down to its origins. Pop music is the heartbeat of the unthinking unquestioning masses. That so many songs simply expect people (usually millions of them) to make bad motions with their body in celebration of communal activity blows my mind.

I'm not against dancing. I'm very much for dancing, but I think if you're going to dance by yourself, you should follow your own moves, and if your going to dance with other people, it shouldn't be to the commands of the macarena, or Beck's waltzing, or whatever the shit the Monster Mash actually expected of us. If people want to dance with each other, it shouldn't veil that communal dancing in invariably about sex, and with that, I wholly support two people getting really close and holding each other, and seeing if they can literally move together, as so often metaphors and reality link, and if you can't keep in step with your partner, you might need to find a new partner, and there's no better place to do that than on a dance floor.