Reading and writing in Japanese

                      Why Japanese（日本語) omni-sucks

I want to describe to you, as succinctly as possible, the challenges of learning to read/write in Japanese. 

 Japanese uses 4 written languages. All 4 regularly appear, not only within the same page, or on the same package, but within sentences and even words. Here's an example; 書きます. In "romaji" (Japanese in roman characters, one of the 4 languages) this word is "kakimasu". It means "to write" or "writing". Let's say you went to the trouble of learning how to read/write the 3 easiest languages (romaji, katakana, and hiragana), even if you knew the word kakimasu, and those 3 languages, that word above would still look like gibberish. You could read the "...kimasu", but without knowing the kanji character, you're s.o.l. (which makes it a pain to try to learn by reading). Another mixed word you might want to know is アメリカ人. "Amerikajin" or American (person) in English. Kakimasu uses kanji and hiragana, amerikajin uses katakana and kanji. You will also see hiragana after all the languages as Japanese "particles" are written in hiragana. 

 AshbyストリートとCaliforniaストリートの近くに私のアパートがあります。This is a single sentence using all 4 written languages. I should also mention Japanese don't space their words out, ashardasitmightseemtounderstandinEnglish,itisevenharderinJapanese. At least they've recently come to somewhat accept periods, quotation marks, parenthesis, etc. Sentence translated; "My apartment is near Ashby St. and California St. 

Those two little sets of Japanese above are hiragana and katakana (well, most of them. Most kana charts leave out a lot more, but this one is still missing new adoptions like "va"). Just stand back in awe of the numerous methods of redundancy. How many ways can one express “ji” in just hiragana and katakana? It doesn’t necessarily mean anything, it’s just a sound.
ジ　ヂ　じ　ぢ all are “ji”. Of course if you toss in kanji, the sky’s the limit, but a common “ji” is 時　and that is a reference to time, it’s used like “o’clock” in English, ex. 5 o’clock = 五時。It only gets more confusing from here, not only is Japanese redundant with characters within the same language, or across language, in kanji each new character for the same sound is a different word. We have nothing like that in English. In English for example “win” and “wind” are two entirely unrelated words that simply have ‘win’ in common. In Japanese, there may be 100 different ways of expressing the same sound, but unless you could read them all, you wouldn’t know they all sounded the same. It gets even crazier. 

 Since kanji was taken from Chinese it wasn’t a perfect transfer, and it has been applied in two major ways. One of the ways of importation took the meaning of Chinese characters, and used Japanese sounds, for example 今日。It is pronounced “kyou” however those characters aren’t pronounced kyou. The characters mean kyou (today). If you were to pronounce them in their native form, or separately in Japanese, they would be entirely different. In Japanese 今 alone is pronounced “ima” it means “now”. 日 is pronounced "nichi",“hi” or sometimes “bi” it means “day”. So “now” + “day” = “today” however it isn’t pronounced 'imanichi',‘imahi’ or ‘imabi’, it’s ‘kyou’ (the ‘u’ isn’t pronounced u, but reflects the extension of the pronunciation of the ‘o’, which doesn’t exist in English). 

  The other method of kanji into Japanese uses kanji solely by pronunciation, and not by meaning, which is the opposite. And of course it gets even more complicated with further pronunciation variations on the same kanji for different words, and different methods of kanji introduction. The icing on this insanity cake is that even the Chinese gave up on these characters and have since simplified them. The Japanese masochistically have held on to the 6,000+ kanji (the total number is unknown). Imagine that. Having one of your 4 written languages so complicated you will die never learning all of the characters (if even most).

 And yet, I’ve accepted all of this. I know the 3 easy ones. I’m learning more about kanji as I learn new words. What really annoys me, and what inspired me to write all this, is that the Japanese take their own fluency for granted, and commercially they constantly screw around with their characters. It’s hard enough keeping 10 googol characters in my brain. But the Japanese aren’t happy with that. As soon as I became fluent in the kanas I realized I had only just begun my uphill struggle. In Japan, on their labels, in their ads, etc. They frequently use highly stylized characters. This is madness!!!

While I earlier pointed out all the redundancy in characters for the same sounds, this goes to the similarity and repetition of Japanese characters. One of the hardest in Japanese is “shi, so, tsu, no, and n.” in katakana. シソツノン。Just look at that shit. Here, I’ll put them in another order to show you how hard they are to distinguish.  
  シツノソン。You must be dry shaving me bro. For YEARS I’ve had to stare at packages, sentences, etc. and think, “Uuuuuhhhhh was shi with the down to up, or the up to down? Was no with one stroke or 2?” AHHHHHHH. Even now after teaching myself katakana 5 years ago, and re learning it several times since, I still get tripped up. But of course there’s more crap like this.　Mi and mu, very similar (when writing them at least): みむ. Ru and ro: るろ (toss in ra ら and hu/fu ふ which utilize similar strokes). Wa, nu, ne, me, re:わぬねめれ. It just goes on and on like this. So you have ra, ru, and ro all swoopy and then you have so そ which is like ru and ro on top, and the reverse of ra, ru, and ro on the bottom.

And here’s where it all began. 

I was at Berkeley Bowl and saw a package of yakisoba.

Notice the katakana “so” in white, ソ it isn’t too stylized, they did it without a curve, it looks more like an English Y, but at least I could stand there and think about which of the シソツノン　was top down and with two strokes. So I read “so-su” katakana is used mostly for foreign words incorporated into Japanese, in this case it is “source”. Then there was this bullshit...

What in the hell is that? This is why I am unhappy. I learn hiragana, katakana, work on kanji, learn words, learn grammar, lived in Japan 3 years. Eat Asian food, including Japanese my whole life. Go to Japantown more than anywhere else in S.F. over the past 2 years. Fuck me I have no idea what that is. I ASSUME it is “so”. As in そ。As in やきそば。But just look at it. There a line in the top left corner that goes top-down left-right. That’s not in so. So has a flat line. It’s a minor change. But so is THE ENTIRE FREAKING LANGUAGE. Everything in Japanese consists of minor changes and redundancy. They don’t even know their own language, but they have the time and energy to fuck with their characters? It looks like ‘to’ とor ‘te’ て. So there’s me, 9 years after first going to Japan, 10 years after first starting to learn Japanese, in an American store, looking at a package of noodles I’ve been eating my entire life, reading a written language I’ve read and written thousands of times. And I’m just stuck there like “so? Sousu. Sauce? Yaki?ba? Yakiteba? Yakitoba? Is that a variation of yakisoba? Noo, that can’t be a so. So? SO!!” And then I take a picture, because it’s emblematic of my epic failure to get out of the bog of this god forsaken language. You know what, I shoulda fuckin’ stuck with Spanish. Hey look, I’m writing in Spanish’s written language as I write in English, how motherfucking convenient that I wouldn’t need to pick up a package of rice in Mexico after 10 years of studying Spanish and wonder what the fuck a-r-r-o-z means; sounding out each letter as I go, and having to double back when the company gets cutesy. これはくそばか 財閥。




Bonus examples:

 
フリクリ　”FuriKuri" or as it's advertised "Fooly Cooly" I loved this show back in the day. I drove to mo-f-ing Tustin CA just to pick up The Pillows furikuri vol. 2. I had to translate these boxy stylized characters by looking up fu, ri, ku, ri, and retroactively realizing those 4 boxes were the characters. 

 Here's another fine example of suicide inducing stylization. The first line appears to have the kanji for day, and for "sei" which is like the study of something, like a gakusei (student) or sensei (teacher), then Ka-bii" using two stars in the ビ。

Here's my best reading of that bottom line, which is entirely in kana (presumably I should be able to read) urutora su-pa- (means super, yay got a word!) derakkusu or maybe deraffusu aasu? iisu? (I looked it up, the urutora is "ultra", so I got that, but the last part is still unreadable, and really, I shouldn't have to spend 15 minutes breaking this down). 

   
From reading the description on the website I got this from, that title is "famitsu" or ファミツ. I suppose if I went character by character looking at them side by side, I would eventually get fami, but I don't know if what's at the end is kanji, or some kind of alien cartoon. 


Of course we stylize our words in English too. Hardly ever, and never to the extent Japanese do, but in English, there's only 26 letters. That's it. Done. Not hundreds, not thousands. And our letters don't all look the same, except capital "i"s and lower case "l"s in shitty sans serif fonts. 

Here's a tough one as far as English goes. But even when you see nigh on gibberish English, it's never in standard commercial products like noodles. And English, in all its forms follows basic formation rules. Combine that with there being only 26 characters, and no matter how stylized, it can be easily read because for the most part all 26 look different from each other, and have tell-tale characteristics. 

Whiskey in my life

I've heard Whiskey is currently experiencing a popularity boom unlike ever before. It probably has something to do with me coming to enjoy it.

I've always loved whiskey. Long before I ever drank any alcohol. Maybe because it originated in Ireland, I'm not sure. No one in my alcoholic family ever drank whiskey. It was always my default idea of alcohol.

I'm not going to go all wikipedia, or drink expert here, I just want to lay out my opinion on the matter.



The first whole glass of liquor I ever drank was some Jim Beam. I was 21 years old, it was about the end of 2003 and I was in Stockton on leave from the Navy. I had never been drunk before so I told my dad I wanted to see what it was like. He let me drink his Jim Beam, but it was only about a glass and it didn't actually get me drunk. I wouldn't have another sip of alcohol for 2 years.

I love the process of making whiskey. The charred oak barrel aging is actually where most of the flavor comes from, though whiskey is never distilled to pure alcohol, so it retains the flavor of its grain origin as well. Like pretty much everything else on earth, there are hundreds of ways to make it, and many variants. I would like to note one in particular, Bourbon, which I recently learned, is found in almost all major foreign bottles. Scotland, Ireland, Canada, etc? get their barrels from Kentucky (namely Jim Beam) and reuse the barrels, so most Irish, Scotch, and Canadian whiskeys have a certain percentage of Bourbon in them (and it isn't as little as you might think). Now how can you get snooty knowing that?

Coming in usually around 80 proof (40%) whiskey is mid range in the liquors, above the girly drinks, and below the mixers.


I'm going to list here most of the whiskeys I'm rather familiar with, with a snippet of opinion and rating.


Good Whiskey

Glenlivet I drank this for the first time a little over a week ago. Tony got me to go to a boring party in Ukiah, which was a 4 hour drive, I should do a blog about that. In fact, I will. It was the first single malt I've ever had, and it was very fine. It had a burn to it, so It's not as miraculous as I oddly assumed single malts were, in fact, tasting it, let me know single malt doesn't necessarily mean anything at all. I enjoyed it neat and that's about as good as it gets for me and whiskey.


Jameson This may be my second favorite whiskey, purely by its taste. Jameson sure doesn't have what Budweiser calls "drinkability" it has a harsh burn to it, but it does taste and smell very good. It also isn't anywhere near as syrupy as most whiskeys, which makes it easy going down. I like Jameson because it lets me get drunk very quickly. When I was in San Diego I did security for about 8 months. Work started at 5am, and I had no vehicle. So I would go to my ship the night before and sleep there. The thing about not having a car and being stationed on a ship on Coronado is you have to walk a lot. I have literally walked the entire length of Coronado many times. It's over a 20 minute walk to the ship just from the front gate of the base.

So each night before work, around 8-9pm, I would go to my freezer, pull out my bottle of Jameson, and drink straight from the bottle for awhile. Enough to guarantee I was drunk. Then I would begin the long bullshit process of getting to my rack. I had to walk to 5th avenue from my apartment, then I'd get in a cab, ride to the front gate of Coronado and walk to the ship. By the time I got to the ship, I'd be sober again. It took that fucking long. I'd usually be just buzzed enough to sleep soundly, which was important for having to get up at 4 am with 6 hours (max) sleep.




Jim Beam I already said this was my first drink. It was also the only time I ever had Jim Beam. My dad taught me how to drink whiskey correctly, and this alcohol didn't fail, if drunk right, very little burn, decent taste.








Knob Creek This is a premiem Bourbon by Jim Beam. It is 100 proof, so it is exceptionally more alcoholic than most other whiskeys. You can smell it in someone's glass, especially if they've mixed it with soda. I bought one bottle a few weeks ago thinking it would have a premium taste. with 50% alcohol, it is a little much for a sipping whiskey. It has a good flavor, but neat is less enjoyable than mixed with coke.


Mediocre Whiskey


Jack Daniels Oh I know I'm breaking the heart of every frat boy wannabe from the 90s until 2015 with this, but Jack is mediocre, and you know it. That's why you always put it in coke frat boy wannabe. Or you're just a tool. Either way, the stuff has a good flavor, but it actually tastes watered down. I can't explain that.




Johnny Walker Red This is the only Johnny Walker label I've had, so I can't say anything about the better ones. Red is their bottom of the barrel label, their "stuff got mixed in this and we're not sure what, but it's only been aging since you put your swim shorts away for the season so who cares" quality brand. It burns, it smells awful, and it tastes worse. It is possible to drink though. So it stays here in mediocre land.


Absolutely Vile (aka Canadian whiskey that comes in plastic jugs)


Canadian Mist It wasn't until I was long out of the Navy, long out of spending money. Long into retreat and no longer caring about anything but getting drunk, when I decided to purchase this liquor, based on price. Oh good lord. You can buy the shitiest vodka, and you're still somewhat safe for mixing, but this taught me a serious lesson. Whiskey can be offensively bad. This smells like vomit, it tastes like vomit. If you mix it with anything, it can lose alcoholic potency in dilution, but its stink, itsdisgusting flavor will never go away. Let it be a great testament that this shit sat unfinished in my poor kitchen for months before one particularly desparate day I chugged it and had to forcefully prevent myself from blowing it all back up.




Black Velvet After Canadian Mist, I swore to never buy cheap whiskey again. Give the story a few months and Danny comes over to eat drink and be merry. He brings as "gift" a mostly drunk bottle of Black Velvet. It is exactly as bad as Canadian Mist.









Great Whiskey


Chivas Regal This is my absolute favorite. Maybe it's just my subjective good memories of drinking this in foreign lands with my friend Sean (it was his favorite) but Chivas does have a lot going for it. It tastes great. I usually drink it room temperature, neat. I like to smell it first, just sticking my nose in the glass and swirl it around. It is so smooth and delicious, I pour some in my mouth and swish it around and smack it and taste and taste and oh jesus. It's seriously good. If you can't imagine a whiskey so smooth that you can drink it this way, you haven't had any good whiskey.

What it is

So when I started this blog profile, I had just come back to Yokosuka, Japan from 4 months in San Diego. Before Japan (back in 2003) I had been in Florida, before that, Illinois (2002), before that, my hometown of Stockton CA. So from 2004-2006 I lived in Japan. I had a nice house, I did what I did. In the meantime I was able to see many other places including Hong Kong, pretty much all of Korea, Australia, Guam, Saipan. In 2006 I went back to San Diego and lived in a super awesome brand new apartment right on Market street downtown. I lived in San Diego until about March 2008, then I moved back to my hometown of Stockton CA, where I currently occupy space. 

 So I need to update my profile a bit. 

Japan's Name

Japan
日本 which is pronounced "Nihon" or "Nippon" is the proper name of Japan.
日本 is made up of two "Kanji". Kanji is the Japanese usage of Chinese characters. The rules are slightly different in translation, and the spoken languages are completely different but because Kanji uses symbology rather than direct phonetics sometimes the meaning is the same even when the pronunciations are different.
Now I'm going to tell you something I figured out all by myself and I don't care what anyone else says.
Japan is known as "Land of the Rising Sun". Which is supposed to imply the day begins in Japan, as Japan is the eastern-most land in Asia.
Japan is just a bunch of mountains and Valleys, so I can tell you from experience it is hard to actually see a sunrise in Japan.

日= "Nichi" means 'day' and 'sun'. Like in the adoption of the concept of 'Sunday' Japan took it literal and made it 'sun day' or 'nichiyobi' and shows up twice 日曜日.
本 = "Hon" means 'book'. It also means 'origin'.
日本 = "Nihon" could literally be understood as 'sun origin'.
"Land of the Rising Sun" doesn't refer to 'sunrise' but rather the actual sun's beginning.
So, "Land of the Rising Sun" isn't just the nickname, it's a transliteration of the actual name of the country.
(now for some unoriginal research)
If America were to adopt a similar "nickname" it might be "Land of Master Workmen" or "Land of Work Rulers". America came from Amerigo, Amerigo came from Amalrich which is Gothic for "work ruler". Other names that have descended are Amery, Emeric, Emery, and the feminine forms which are more common in America; Amelia and Emily.

Not Japanese Poem, Japanese porn

I learned a new word about an hour ago "ecchi". It's Japanese and means "lewd" "sexy" or even "sexual intercourse". At first I thought it was just another one of the many sex words Americans are adopting from it's porn loving best friend. Further investigation has revealed something much more interesting (surprisingly) than its Americanized definition of Anime sensuality.

Ecchi is actually derived from the English letter "H". Which means that the Americans are getting their letter back, all fucked up and sloppy seconds-like. What's stranger is that the word goes back to Meiji era, meaning this is way older than anime, porn, or the Americanization of anything Japanese (like the word "Hentai", which to Americans means naked cartoons, whereas in Japan it is a noun meaning "pervert" and has nothing to do with nudity, sex, women, cartoons, the internet, or drawing. Just perverts.). So I don't buy the theory that it implies the word "hentai". It was most likely orginating of one of the other sex related Japanese words that start with H, like "harenchi".

Regardless, it was actually started by Japanese school girls in the Meiji era as a euphimism for sex. Thus showing its amazing transition from an English letter hiding the true meaning of sex, used by Japanese school girls, to becoming a Japanese word hiding its true meaning of sex, used by American guys jerking off to cartoons of Japanese school girls.

Of course in researching this word I ran across many others that I'm sure a good percentage of American men know and think they understand. Which just pisses me off, since I know none of you have any clue about the REAL Japan. I wish more of their culture than photos of school girls would make it out but I suppose they literally bring it upon themselves.

Leaving Japan

I should follow up the last one since it seems all desperate and gloomy like usual, and something good actually happened. I liked Alexandra, but she always worked and I was in another city. My last night in Japan I got a hotel room in Roppongi. There are very few hotels in Roppongi and people usually book way ahead. I didn't tell her that I got a hotel there just to see her, as opposed to an easier place to sleep like Okachimachi or Shibuya. I may have lied to myself and said I was going to party all night, but those days were done, for now at least. I almost didn't go to see her. It's tough, I don't know how it feels to be wanted by someone that I want, it's usually one way, either I like a woman, or she likes me, or I love a woman, and well. I went to her and we hung out for many hours. We drank the last of their wine that the Argentinian was saving for a special occasion. He said my leaving Japan was a good enough occasion for that.

On her break Alexandra met me at a coffee shop. I tried to explain to her how hard it is for a white guy to walk the streets of Roppongi. Every Nigerian doorman and South East Asian whore wants your money, and they get very personal. I told one Nigerian I had been in Japan 3 years. He replied; "You have been here 3 years, you are just learning to walk and talk. I have been here 13 years, I am already getting laid." Alexandra took me to a photo booth. We took lots of cutesy photos. All the night she kept saying "Don't go!" or "Take me with you." I played with her for saying this since I hadn't so much as kissed her, everytime she said "Don't go." I would ask her why I should stay. She once said; "So you could keep me company." I asked, "So I should stay in Japan, just so I can stand around in your bar and smile at you?" She started mumbling about how much she has to work and I heard her swear for the first time, it was really cute. The next day, my absolute last day in Japan I met her on a corner and we went and had brunch at T.G.I. Friday's. Two hours passed like nothing and I had to get to my plane. I invited her to come to the train station with me. We took a taxi to Tokyo eki. She held my hand the whole way. Alexandra had to get to Akihabara by 1:00 p.m. I was in line to by a ticket to Narita, she had to leave, but she didn't want to. She started hugging then kissing, then hugging, then kissing me. She sounded very sad when we parted. She texted me while I was on the train, and I talked to her when I got to the airport. She kept saying "Don't forget me." Alexandra, how could I forget you? Why did you wait so long to take me up on anything? I asked Alexandra to go places with me in the past but always she had work. Not really apropriate to kiss a bartender in the bar.

What the hell? I don't know. I suppose that was probably the most awesome way to leave a country. If I had done much more with her besides hugging and kissing I probably would be kicking myself right now. Just. Just. Well you know. You all fuck like rabbits. I savor my women. Alexandra, you were the finest. I want to drink from you again.

Instant Late Night Poem

I will make a poem right now;

Alexandra,

te quiero. Pero sera una dia en la futura.
Porque voy ahorra, y dices que quieri decir.
Nande? Ima? porque no en Augusto o Septiembre?
Anata ga hoshi desu. Solamente quiero una dia completa.
You give me your picture and say I should never forget you.
You say you want my picture and you will never forget me.
Demo, estuve tu' quieri, no una pictura.
We speak in 3 languages. When we drink we say; "Salud, Kampai, Cheers!" But I only got to say "hello."
Always and never this is my life. I see the extremes and you are there. I needed to realize it is now and not never. That there is no whole. That what is, is all.
I think I will see you in 3 hours. I think I will see you forever. My Colombian woman. Watashi no Colombiajin Onnanahito, mi colombiana.

Not Much

So I was trying to get money out of the ATM but it rejected me. Thats happened before and its usually the ATMs fault. I switch the majority of my dollars to Yen instead and I go to Yokohama with Tony. We eat at a nice Italian restaurant. When I go to pay I try to use my card but its rejected. I had to use nearly all my money to pay the bill. So Now I got just enough for a train ride back to Yokosuka and probably enough to cover the internet cafe Im using right now. The thing is, Washington Mutual has fucked me before, in fact, so well did they fuck me that I keep my account number with me at all times. I call them and they say they had switched to Master Card so my Visa check card has been cancelled. I told the lady that I was in Japan, that I had no money, and the damn Master Card is going to arrive at my Dads house in California. She puts me on hold, I knew going in I only had about 400 Yen on my phone, while on hold my phone says, "1 minute left" Then she comes back on, "Mr. Wise, thank you for waiting" I say "ok" and then she says "Heres what I can do BOOP BOOP BOOP (Thats the sound of the end of my prepayed call)" Im sure that she thinks I hung up on her. That would be terribly douchey of me, thatd be retarded anyway considering she was about to hook me up somehow. Anyway I cant call her back, I have no money for another pre-payed card. BUUUTT Heres where I come in and save my own ass from all this bullshit. You see, like I said, I have been fucked before, so the last time this happened, I made sure that I wouldnt completely rely on one card to access that account. Waiting for me at my house in Yoko is a new and never used ATM card thats been sitting in my room for months waiting for this day. Still theyre bitches. Just cause Im not completely fucked still doesnt change that. Cancel my fucking card cause they like Master Card, you know what I like Bank of America. Fuck you Washington Mutual!

7 Minutes

I will stop at 1035.

I am now resurfacing oh I wish. As the time counts down and the problems remain the tension builds. I am not quite feeling it intensely enough, I only think about it almost all day. There is too much. In this week I will have received a medal higher than any medal I've ever received and I'll probably get the Warfare qualification they've been torturing me to get. None of it makes me happy. I'm numb to any kind of positive aspects. I'm completely on the defensive now. Now is the time. I hold my shield close and I run in swinging. Those strong enough to not get cut down by me will stay close. Those I fell will never know. I will die, or my enemies will. I am an extremeist I know.

waiting waiting acting failing. Only NOW? I get close now? No. This is bullshit. Where am I going? She haunts me. It's like she knows and is hovering like a vulture. Waiting for me to pass. FUCK YOU MEGAN. YOU HAVE ALREADY FORGOTTEN ME. YOU WILL NEVER REMEMBER WHAT I MEANT TO YOU. WHAT YOU FELT. I have to. It's all I have. You can block it out. Your life is easy like that. You so happily kill everything that was good. Fuck my time's up/

Entertaining International Women

The first night I danced with two groups of filipino girls. Then I went to McDonald's and met a Colombian woman. I talked to her for about 20 minutes in Spanish. From it I learned three new Spanish words, baracho (drunk) inebrio (inebriated or as she said, "A pretty way to say drunk" Except that she said that last quote in Spanish) pelegroso (careful). She gave me her business card and had to go back to work. I went to a pub and made fun of this Irish girl, and her Limey friend. I made fun of the Limey, because she was a Limey, and I made fun of the Irish girl, for having a Limey friend. Then I went back to Wall Street. The first girl I saw in there grabbed me and started feeling me up.
"I like your stomach" she said. "I want to lick it."
"That's cool, go right ahead." I replied. Then she stuck her hand down my pants and grabbed my penis. I was a little shocked. "Where are you from?"
"Malaysia." I left. I ended up at Gas Panic. Gas Panic always has a majority of Japanese people (Nihonjin). The waiters and waitresses are always assholes. I danced with a few Nihonjin girls. A group of French women came in and one stayed. I hunted her down, and danced with her for a couple hours. I was kissing her and rubbing her right. She wouldn't shut up about how the girls were dancing on the bar. Then she decided I had to battle for the privilege of dancing with her. She put me up against a Nihonjin guy and we took turns grinding on her. I made a sweet move when I managed to dance with her, and massage her at the same time. That Nihonjin bastard stole my flavor and tried to kick it up a notch. My next turn I decided to stop fucking around. I rubbed her all over, including her, well everywhere, you know. She wasn't too down with that, and informed me that I lost. A minute later the music stopped and the lights came on, so in your face Nihonjin douche, and French bitch! Some might say I lost more than a dance, but if you think about it, if she wasn't down with being rubbed, she wasn't going home with the winner. I went home and got to sleep around 7:30AM. I was awoken at 2pm by a Mikoshi parade camped in front of my house. International talley, 4 Philipino danced, two said no, 1 was clearly underage, 1 I got really freaky with. 1 French girl danced and kissed and fondled alot, 3 said no. 3 Japanese girls danced, 0 said no (but some were totally oblivious to all guys, fucking lesbains). 1 beautiful Colombian girl spoke slowly so I could understand her, and desire her more. 1 Malaysian chick sexually harassed me (hell yeah, not the first time!)
Saturday night I went to Roppongi again. First girls I saw I heard speaking Spanish, they turned about to be Peruanas (Peruvian girls) I layed down a wall of espanol, but they said I was too young for them, fucking shit, I shave my face and people think I'm a fucking kid. I know they make a big deal about me being 23, maybe I should just lie. I had about lost hope with the place when my hand caught the hip of a cute Nihonjin girl. I immediately struck like a viper and had two girls, one for each hip rubbing hand. The other girl was half Japanese, and half Philipino. She spoke English fluently. The Nihonjin guys that were with these girls bought me a drink. I danced with the girls while trying to talk to these guys. They turned out to be Japanese soldiers. I kept trying to tell them I was Navy, but they kept saying "Ranger?" So I gave up and let them think I was special forces. After a while I picked up another Japanese girl and she danced and grinded and got all kinds of dirty. She kept parading me around and telling everyone she knew that I was her man. Then she asked if I would get her some chapagne. I said sure and she frenched me. Then I saw what she wanted, a $400 bottle of alcohol. I told her no way. She blew me off after that, and I left. I ran about a mile around Roppongi to sober up a bit, I have never felt so good running in my life.

When did it become ok for girls outside of California to say "like" profusely? If a girl says "like" all the time, and she isn't from California, she's a bitch. If she is from California, she's probably a bitch, but who knows. As soon as I stopped running I saw the bar/grill the Columbian girl worked at. I went in and had some mixed drink with Tequila and Grenadine, and something else. She smiled alot but wasn't hangning out much, I think I'll email her, but I don't think she's too interested in me. That's the sweet part about an email. I can disect it, no b.s., no interference. Then ended up in a bad position trying to sober up after 3 or so shitty clubs, I just watched other people.

I noticed all the white girls were bitches, including these two models who were from California and Tennesse. They kept leaving and coming back. Why do white bitches even show up? They always hide in a corner, or at the bar. If they don't want to get with guys, they came to EXACTLY THE WORST PLACE ON EARTH. Roppongi is all about hooking up for a while, that's it. There are thousands of bar in Tokyo, only one Roppongi, stupid white bitches. I can understand if they are just being picky, but I have yet to see one single white chick from any country get with any guy that didn't come in with her, (Then Joshua remembers the French chick from the night before, and declares her a scientific oddity.)

Anyway some dude kept trying to drag a girl out of the bar and when the guy she was with was kicked out for being too drunk, she was alone. So I followed her out and made sure that fuck didn't drag her off into any alleys. Then I was offered about 4000 massages and I offered a masaji girl a massage for 2000 Yen. I decided to wait till I was completely sober so I wouldn't pass out on the train. I killed the time by writing this right now. Perfect timing, one hour for 400 Yen, the hour is up in two minutes.

Night two talley, Shot down by 2 Peruanas, even though estuvi el solo persana alli que habla espanol, chinga sus madres. 3 Nihonjin girls, including much loving, 0 nihonjin shot me down, but that one bitch, I saw her later, she tried to get me to go into a club with her, I told her it was fucked up that she blew me off for Champagne, I'm a sailor, I don't get paid. So I told her to fuck off. 1 Colombian woman didn't give me enough love. Lots of white girls ignored me and every other guy. Fuck white girls. Now I'm not looking forward to California anymore, you all suck. All in all, I got more love, love, loving from all those women of 8 or so countries than that filthy lying, oh, I won't finish that sentence. Fuck America. That's better. Solo un poco baracho ahorra. Fue como una idiota y empezo una hora mas. No tengo mas cosas hacer en el interneto. Ahorra necesito pagar para dos horas. ahh, pero esta bien, esta bien. Solo yo necisito usar el bano mucho pero no quiero levantar, No se el espanol, pero en ingles es "ironic" o estupido, no seguro.

Josho vs. Rum

Perception. Your eyes lie to you. How's that for a begining? Rationality has to be founded on one's perception, but what we perceive isn't exactly right to begin with. It's the butterfly effect and the stampede is me at a picnic seeing Ian alone and quiet. It's seeing her. When I see her I don't see a person, I see issues. I see an unresolvable conflict. These perceptions. So Sean show me a nice way to enjoy rum with Sprite. I had about 4 glasses, then decided I wasn't nearly drunk enough. So I slammed the bottle, literaly I chiped a tooth doing it. I just kept drinking it. I drank it like water. I drank it empty. I hoped it would kill me. I still wasn't drunk enough because it hadn't hit me yet. I hoped I'd at least pass out. I grabbed a beer and drank that too. Then I played some Weezer and did the dishes. I went to bed around 9:30. At some point in the night I found myself opening the door to my other bedroom. I don't know why or how I was there. Sean asks me if I'm ok, I say I'm really drunk, he says "Yeah I saw wht you did to that bottle." I go back to bed, and notice two huge piles of vomit on my bed. I sleep until 5:30 a.m. and get up for duty. I'm still drunk, I tell Sean about it. I shave drunk, I clean up the vomit, mostly. I notice at some point in the night I had gone downstairs grabbed my iPod and took it back to my room and recharged it. Aparantly I'm a very productive drunk. I tell Sean not to go into my room, he says that the only time he'd ever been in there was the night before to make sure I wouldn't choke on my own vomit in my sleep. I tell him I don't care if he goes in my room, but it's mass casualty in there.

I drunk bike to the base. At the main gate I get paranoid, I stop ten feet from the gaurd and try to get my ID card out of my pocket. I look at him, and I'm sure he knows. He says, "You dropped your money." I loudly say;

"Yeah it's just a Yen." I reach down and pick it up. I think he knows now for sure, because I should have said 'one Yen' not 'a Yen' or maybe 'a Yenny' if I were hip. I go through and drunk bike to my boat. I see the gate gaurds and I'm sure they know, but we don't talk. I get to the ship and I'm sure the OOD knows, but he says nothing. I drunk iron my uniform, because I had remembered to bring it. Then I go to muster, and afterwards I sleep most of the day. I have a dream that two guys, Misty Stokes, and I are burglars (only two of you could possibly know who she is, to you I say, I haven't a clue why, I never dreamed about her before).

It was more than 15 hours before I started feeling sober again, more than 24 before I stopped feeling sick. The whole time I was drinking I was thinking about Sasebo, Kagoshima, Hong Kong, her. I thoroughly distorted my perception, just for a momentary release from this hold on my soul.

Steal the show, and don't follow through

I went with Ian to Sakuragicho, the McDonald's was located at the end of one of the most beautiful night time walkways I have ever seen. You walk along a wooden bridge over a lake surrounded by life. The tallest building, the ferris wheel, the masted ship, lights and buildings, and music and dancing until you reach an impressive mall. This was the second McDonald's I've been to in Yokohama that had unique and amazing architecture. The other one is on the other side by "Jack" Mall. The girl we had quested for was learning the register. I got a Teriyaki McBurger and a Coke. She wasn't "hot" as Ian had said, I don't think. She looked 14. I'm not really down with that. I know she was 19, but numbers aren't so important to me. Ian says nothing, I say nothing. We sit and eat. Next to us are 4 really cute obviously rebelious America loving high school girls. 3 of them had their hair bleached to as blond as black can get. Two had extensive peircings. They were all dressed in what American's would call "punk" not the dark Goth style, but the frayed anti color coordination style. Seeing as how neither Ian nor I were to talk to this girl we had quested for, I chose to shamelessly hit on these girls.

I didn't have to do much. My skin color gave me instant celebrity status with these girls, and with Ian's help, I actually managed to understand them a bit. They all used fake American names, Lisa was really Mari, Michelle had some incomprehensibly hard to pronounce name. Anyway, it is always nice to have 4 hot high school girls paying absolute attention to you, and laugh hysterically in joyous exhaltation. I had no intention of a follow through. One of them said she wished she could see me again, I ignored it. Another asked if I would remember their names, I remembered Lisa, and Michelle, then made fun of them, "Ahh, Anata wa Amerikajin desu." ( Ahh, you are Americans) they loved that. It was like when Dave Chapelle did that skit where the blind black guy thought the ghetto white kids were black. Anyway. Every guy I have told this story to told me I should have gotten their numbers, or given mine. Ian made a good point though, if I had met them again, there is really very few legal things I could do with them. I wouldn't understand them, and they wouldn't understand me, so it would break down to me buying them liquer and fucking them, they were like 16, so no thank you. These girls had enough issues, let them be cute American posers without some douchebag American sailor contributing. Though the prospect is intriguing. I must say. So there. I turned down 4 cute Japanese girls in one night. I think that gives me free reign to tell you I am capable of moral conviction. That this isn't a issue of oportunity. These girls wanted to party, it was 9:30 on a Monday, and they wanted an excuse to not go home.

Ohh, hmm. Now if that girl behind the counter were all cute and punked out, I'd have been all over her. 19 is slightly different than 16ish. hmm. You know you're judging me. Judge away.

Steal the show, and don't follow through

I went with Ian to Sakuragicho, the McDonald's was located at the end of one of the most beautiful night time walkways I have ever seen. You walk along a wooden bridge over a lake surrounded by life. The tallest building, the ferris wheel, the masted ship, lights and buildings, and music and dancing until you reach an impressive mall. This was the second McDonald's I've been to in Yokohama that had unique and amazing architecture. The other one is on the other side by "Jack" Mall. The girl we had quested for was learning the register. I got a Teriyaki McBurger and a Coke. She wasn't "hot" as Ian had said, I don't think. She looked 14. I'm not really down with that. I know she was 19, but numbers aren't so important to me. Ian says nothing, I say nothing. We sit and eat. Next to us are 4 really cute obviously rebelious America loving high school girls. 3 of them had their hair bleached to as blond as black can get. Two had extensive peircings. They were all dressed in what American's would call "punk" not the dark Goth style, but the frayed anti color coordination style. Seeing as how neither Ian nor I were to talk to this girl we had quested for, I chose to shamelessly hit on these girls.

I didn't have to do much. My skin color gave me instant celebrity status with these girls, and with Ian's help, I actually managed to understand them a bit. They all used fake American names, Lisa was really Mari, Michelle had some incomprehensibly hard to pronounce name. Anyway, it is always nice to have 4 hot high school girls paying absolute attention to you, and laugh hysterically in joyous exhaltation. I had no intention of a follow through. One of them said she wished she could see me again, I ignored it. Another asked if I would remember their names, I remembered Lisa, and Michelle, then made fun of them, "Ahh, Anata wa Amerikajin desu." ( Ahh, you are Americans) they loved that. It was like when Dave Chapelle did that skit where the blind black guy thought the ghetto white kids were black. Anyway. Every guy I have told this story to told me I should have gotten their numbers, or given mine. Ian made a good point though, if I had met them again, there is really very few legal things I could do with them. I wouldn't understand them, and they wouldn't understand me, so it would break down to me buying them liquer and fucking them, they were like 16, so no thank you. These girls had enough issues, let them be cute American posers without some douchebag American sailor contributing. Though the prospect is intriguing. I must say. So there. I turned down 4 cute Japanese girls in one night. I think that gives me free reign to tell you I am capable of moral conviction. That this isn't a issue of oportunity. These girls wanted to party, it was 9:30 on a Monday, and they wanted an excuse to not go home.

Ohh, hmm. Now if that girl behind the counter were all cute and punked out, I'd have been all over her. 19 is slightly different than 16ish. hmm. You know you're judging me. Judge away.

On the 7th Week, Josho Rested

My fan base consists of only two people, the girl I loved, and the boy she loves. How's that for a kick in the nuts? I just set the filter to friends only and neither of them will read this. The girl I loved can't read this anymore, because she is a slutty alcoholic piece of shit, and the Navy recognizes this. The boy she loves is obsessed with me because he is a fucking moron. Here is a song I wrote after having to spend 5 hours with Boozy McDrunk Bitch.



Sunshine and Sparkles



I fell in love, and she fell apart. She's passed out, and I've a broken heart.

My sister sells Meth, my brother's a drunk. My Dad did coke, and my Mom tried to kill me.

Demo, ii desu, daijabu. I have a woman I can do anything to.

My friends are in jail, I quit my job. I'm being blackmailed, and I've become a slob.

Demo, ii desu, daijabu. I have a woman I can do anything to.

6 weeks straight of drunken debauchery. The edge has curved. I have fallen, I have risen, I will come all over my Thai woman.

BeruBot is on TV, he demands I drink more Asahi.

Demo, ii desu, daijabu. I have a woman I can do anything to.

BeeruBot ga hoshi desu

I had almost the perfect day today. I had the 2-7, I got to regale legends of the sea with a man from Saipan. This was fun because he told me he was from Sacramento, then asked me about Saipan. After about 5 minutes of shit talking the dirty little island, he told me where he grew up. So I asked him what "Hafa adai" meant, he said it was "welcome", but I have been pronouncing it wrong. It is supposed to be pronounced like you are saying "Half a day". Then I was free, I gave Tony the Playboy Masion game book so he could get the music. Then I went with Sean to my place and watched Jack Bauer stomp everyone's shit. I left it off where he finally killed the woman who killed his wife. Then I went to Tokyo and made sweet love to my woman. We watched Blade Trinity and I started acting like a vampire, biting her and the such, I thought it was cute. After we were all done, we watched Japan stomp Korea's shit in baseball, just like Japan had rocked China's world a couple days ago. Thats when I saw it... The Asahi BeeruBot. He fucking whips out a cold one, breaks it open and pours a glass. I told Ai that I wanted the BeeruBot. She laughed and asked me why, I dont even drink beer, I told her I could substitute with Coke. I dont understand enough Nihongo to figure out how to get one from the commercial, so I asked Ai, How do I get a BeerBot? This paused her on two fronts, first she didnt know how the word "how" was being used, and second, I had to explain the concept of calling some plastic thing I saw on a commercial a BeeruBot. Yeah good times. I ate some pork and curry for dinner at the Shinagawa eki and I got back to Yoko about 9:30.

Making Out In Japanese

One friday night. Two men. Roppongi. I danced all damn night, I was with the hottest girls and I got shot down 50% the time. It was awesome. Sean went for the slutiest girl in the bar, and had her leaving with him within 15 minutes, but her cock-blocking friend was there and that was shut down. Then the prostitutes came. I had managed to thwart them earlier when we first walked by, by singing to them "Iie keko desu." One of the fine women of the night sang it right back, in such a sweet voice. This time I had to lay down all my Japanese, it worked for me, I was able to confound the woman by being a white guy speaking Nihon go, Sean didn't have a chance, he wanted that sex so much, he didn't fight it when the two women carried him off. I ate what is affectionately referred to as a "Taliban Taco" and then I went back into the club. The absolutely most beautifuul girl gathered up my time, I was with her for at least two hours. We pretty much did everything but fuck on the bar. I was wondering if they were going to kick me out as I felt the soft breasts of this girl as she danced on the bar? Would my hand be slapped away as I made out with her, and her hot friend simultaneously? No, it was "Josh gets whatever he wants night." After I got drunk beyond reason, and spent $450 on various drinks, for various fine ladies, I decided I should go back home. I told the pretty girl I had to leave, so she wrote her number on my hand. As I was telling Sean I needed to go, I saw yet another hot Japanese girl. I could see from the look in her eyes that she needed me. So I told Sean, "I'm gonna be a minute." I started dancing with her, then making out. It couldn't last long though, I was just a little too drunk, so I kissed her goodbye too, and sean and I walked out into the sunlight, it was 6am Saturday morning.

Thai and Women

Something about waking up on a Sunday morning where the only decision to make is whether I get a blow job or vaginal intercourse with the beautiful women next to me, well I just cant have a bad day after that. Hell thats been every Sunday for the past month.

Yes it is good, but it isnt great. I want love. I am the kind of guy who never says `Things could be worse` I say `Things can be better`, and then I figure out how. It sucks because people think you are being negative. That is bullshit, saying things could be worse is a horrible way to look at life. You can always say things could be worse, until the person is dead, then it doesnt matter. I say things can be better until Im floating on a cloud enjoying every second of my life. What the fuck am I even writing this for, ok change up.

I am learning so much. I dont even know what is going on. Its amazing, this life I am living now, yet I see so much I can improve on. Plagued by my own potential. I can be so great. Puff, puff, goes my ego, but what you do not see is that I am filling it with substance. Many people dont care if its just hot air, but I am truly developing myself into an awesome person.

Eh, there are quite a few Thai people here, or maybe there are only a few and I know them all. Mmmm. If I could spell repitoir then I would write, I have decided to expand my myspace repitoir to include hot women who only want sex and are completely self involved, cant get enough of them. Hell if I could find a women as smart as me, no point in trying, shed probably be a total bitch and would just cut my nuts off for making a comment on her myspace. Jesus Christ, should I be allowed outside? One crazy bitch rips my heart and soul to shit and now Im becoming a cynical douche. Well, more so.

I left Ai today feeling a loss. Thats something. I cant get enough of that cool loss feeling. Maybe if my sister isnt dead before October I can go home and try to save her.

I dont really have any issues, just everybody else around me. Somehow when I care about somebody, their shit becomes my shit. I am absofuckinglutely peachy. Well 90% anyway. Crazy girl still owns me on some fields.

It all becomes so simple when you are with someone, or some people that just want to have a good time, no bull. Just dance, drink, screw. Jesus, I knew it didnt have to be hard, but I didnt imagine it would be so perfect. I am the most deep, contemplative, intelligent, introspective man I have ever met, and I just cant argue with a beer, a smiling girl, a dance floor, and some techno.

187 views, and only 3 comments, and 1 fucking Kudos. I only have 248 page views, so more than 50% involved someone reading a blog post. Why so fucking quiet? Is it because most of the page views are from Crazy Girl? I dont know, if she cared that much, how come she had no problem lying to me, and treating me like shit while she blew her boyfriend, huh? Yeah I am definitely still pissed at her. Meh, Ill just assume it because no comments are necessary, I am always right, and nobody needs to tell me. Or because whenever people read my posts, it makes them sick, and they cant control their vomiting, let alone leave a FUCKING COMMENT. Yes I am a lonely (albeit badass, and successful) motherfucker.

Kawaiiso

I told Ai I was taking the local train to Tokyo, and she replied by writing, Kawaiiso. I tried looking it up, but all I have is a phrasebook. It did have the word Kawa, which means river. I already knew the rest, "ii" (nice) "so" (so). So I thought she was calling the local train "So nice river" and I figured it was a nickname. The local train makes every stop on the way to Tokyo, so it's the slowest possible way to get there. I was all happy because I knew some cool phrase for the local train, but then later that day she said it again, and I asked her what she meant. Kawaiiso actually means "pity", she was just saying it was a pity I would be so long. Anyway, I think Kawaiiso would still be a cool nickname for the local, so I'm telling everyone to use it. It would be awesome if this Gaijin got the Japanese to use the pun.

Got laid, partied with hot Thai women didnt sleep

The title speaks for itself. Fuck Love, fuck being a good person, Jump some bones and party past dawn!

Gone Drinking

I got drunk bitches. First I hung out with Ruiz and we played the midnight lib game in the Honch, I even sang Karaoke. I drank, coconut rum, then tequila sunrise, then jack and coke, then two Asahi's in about 2 hours. I was probably at the lowest level of drunk possible becuase I could still walk and talk normally I just felt odd.

The next night Tony and I went to Roppongi all night and I drank well, I don't know, maybe 5 beers including Bud, Guiness, Asahi, and Foster's and I had a shot of Jameson, that really fucked me up. After the Jameson I drank Cokes for about 3 hours until I was sober again, then I had some more beer, and at some point a glass of Hennessy I never got so drunk that I couldn't walk straight. I surveyed the scene figured out the games and learned a lot, I think I'll be banging cheap Japanese and Euro trash girls in no time.

I learned a lot from this, for example being drunk didn't change who I was at all, so if a girl becomes a slut when she's drunk, then she's just a slut anyway, and if a guy becomes an asshole when he's drunk, well then he's an asshole. I never knew that. I thought alcohol lowered inhibition or some stupid shit like that, maybe it does, but that wouldn't work on me, I have no inhibitions, I really do and say anything I want all the time. All being drunk did was make me feel weird. Shit if you want elation, I've had much better highs when in deep philosophical discussions. I have experienced so much better mental pleasure from my own actions I don't see any point to alcohol, It isn't healthy so fuck it. I'm hard pressed to understand how anybody even becomes an alcoholic.

This is where I get back on my high horse. These experiences have only further proved how right I am, and how stupid you all are. If only I could show you the true pleasures of life. Sex is one of them, and I do believe I will go back to the land of hot Euro/Russian/Japanese/Brazillian women for that reason, but this alcohol business is silly. Well if it works for you good on you, I like people actually being themselves, we could all drape ourselves in bullshit so thick we could forget reality, but I rather everyone be honest. If getting drunk makes people act like they truly feel, then drink away!

Some people might say that's not cool becuase some people are dicks when they're drunk, well if their dicks when they're drunk, then they are dicks alltogether, they also happen to be liars who pretend to be cool, just stay away from the dicks.

And of course some girls, including the one I foolishly fell in love with are total sluts when they're drunk, well there's nothing wrong with being a slut, why not do it when you're sober too? It would make my life easier. I can prove logically that casual sex is a healthy thing, but you might not like the religion bashing it would require.

I guess the worst part is now that the mystery is gone, I see the world a mass of horribly pathetic people.

Now I know what the die hard drinkers are thinking right now, so I'll say, yes I had a great time, it is fun, but that had nothing to do with the alcohol. I was sober just as much as I was drunk last night, and my fun level didn't change, the only thing that changed was when I was at my peak drunkness, I couldn't concentrate, and I'm a man who likes his thoughts.

I also learned that a lot of these people aren't really having a good time, many were quite bored. I see this as a perfect opportunity. I might not be getting a stage performance gig anytime soon, but I'll be damned if I can't put a little sunshine in the eyes of up to and including 3 hot Japanese girls or 1 Euro girl, it is harder to remove sticks from their refined asses.I could probably entertain 1 or two Brazillians for short bursts, so I would have to strike quickly and max out on my Spanish, because I know much more spanish than Japanese. What I lack in language skills I can make up for in Americaness, you see being an American in Japan is often like being a celebrity, not a big one, but I've had my picture taken with at least 15 people on different occasions. I am inherently a curiosity, all I need to do is find a curious girl. Then out of spite I wrote; "Not some boring, fearful, hypocrite bitch."